


Is This What You Wanted?

by missxavenger



Series: Is This What You Wanted? [1]
Category: Marvel, Marvel Cinematic Universe, The Avengers (Marvel Movies)
Genre: Angst, Angst and Hurt/Comfort, Angst with a Happy Ending, F/M, Relationship Issues
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-10-11
Updated: 2018-05-14
Packaged: 2019-01-16 00:39:51
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 5
Words: 4,542
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12332025
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/missxavenger/pseuds/missxavenger
Summary: Tony all of a sudden starts distancing himself from you and your relationship, leaving you to wonder what it is you did.





	1. Chapter 1

The sound of the bedroom door opening startled me from the light sleep I’d fallen into, the light bleeding in from the hallway confusing me for a couple of seconds until I recognized Tony’s silhouette standing in the doorway. Lifting my hands to my face I rubbed the sleep from my eyes, the sheets pooling around my hips as I sat up. 

“Tony?” 

He walked further into the room at the sound of my voice, a sigh slipping from his lips.   
“I didn’t mean to wake you up,” He said quietly. “Go back to sleep y/n.”   
“You aren’t coming to bed?” Tony sighed again as I reached for my phone on the bedside table, my heart sinking when I unlocked it to see the time. “Tony, it’s three in the morning.”   
“I’m just busy down in the lab, I really have to knuckle out the rest of this project.”   
“You need to sleep, your work is still going to be there when you wake up.”   
“Just go back to sleep alright?”

Tony didn’t bother waiting for my reply before he grabbed something off the top of his dresser and left the room, the darkness enveloping me again as he shut the door behind him. I bit my lip as I laid down again, clutching my phone to my chest. While it wasn’t unusual for Tony to be caught up in the lab this had been going on for two weeks already; and some nights he didn’t even bother to come to bed at all, falling asleep on the small futon in the corner of his lab. For the first few nights I’d let it go, believing that he actually was just working on a project, but as the days passed I started thinking it was more about me than anything he was working on.

I pulled the sheets back up around my body, moving over slightly so I could press the side of my face against Tony’s pillow, falling right back into a fitful sleep.

-

“Have you tried talking to him about it?”   
“Nat, this is Tony we’re talking about,” I sighed. “Notorious for bottling away his feelings and using sarcasm to mask whatever’s on his mind remember.”   
“Well, did something happen between the two of you?”   
“Not that I know of, we were in a really good place up until a fortnight ago.”   
“Y/n, maybe he is just caught up with whatever he’s working on, I wouldn’t read too much into it alright?”

I frowned, looking down at my mug of coffee, my hands tightening around the ceramic. When I had told Natasha about what happened last night she’d suggested we go get some coffee, take my mind off of it and I’d jumped at the idea. But Tony was still all I could think about, my chest feeling tighter with every lurid detail my mind decided to conjure up. I just couldn’t shake the feeling that Tony was pushing me away for some reason and it hurt.

“I don’t know Nat,” I continued, looking back up to her with a pained expression. “There’s something off about it you know? Like I can feel it right in my stomach that he’s hiding something from me.”   
“Okay, so maybe the both of you are just getting too comfortable in your relationship…you need to spice things up again.”   
“How am I going to do that?”   
“Why don’t you plan a date, something he can’t say no to and then when you’re both relaxed just talk to him about how you feel and see what he says.”   
“I guess there isn’t any harm in trying.”

Later on that afternoon I had everything planned. I’d booked out Tony’s favourite restaurant completely, making sure that the two of us would have some alone time; I’d texted him the details and now the only thing left to do was to get myself ready.

I took my time in the shower, making sure my legs and underarms were shaved properly and my hair was washed thoroughly. By the time I’d finished the bathroom was a haze of vanilla scented steam. Wrapping my towel around my body I headed back into the main room, smiling when I looked at the floor length, strapless black dress I’d laid out over the bed. Tony had found it in a small boutique in Paris and ever since it had been his favourite dress that I’d owned.

By the time I was completely ready I couldn’t help but feel excited for tonight; it had been months since we’d been out on a date and I was starting to look forward to really spending time together. Our lives weren’t the easiest to navigate on even good days so most of the time our relationship became second best to whatever the mission was; we didn’t take the time out for ourselves.

I checked my phone one last time before leaving the bedroom.

-

‘Sorry, I can’t make it tonight’ 

I reread the words over and over again, my bottom lip trembling as the tears started to pool along my waterline. I had been sitting at our table for over forty five minutes when he sent the text message, no excuses, no explanations, just a simple I can’t make it.

Placing my phone back onto the table I covered my face with my hands, wiping away the first lot of tears that spilled hot over my cheeks, no doubt smearing the makeup I’d taken ages to get right. There was a weight pulling down at my stomach and I felt as though I couldn’t quite breathe right; I didn’t understand what I’d done wrong for Tony to act this way, couldn’t fathom why he’d been pushing the wedge so far between us when everything had been good. We’d almost reached our one year anniversary of officially being together, there shouldn’t be so much distance between us already.

“Miss?” I looked up at one of the wait staff, feeling my cheeks heat up as I hastily wiped away my tears. “Will Mr Stark still be joining you this evening?”   
I bit my lip and shook my head, grabbing my clutch and coat off the back of the chair.   
“No, no he won’t be.” 

I left the restaurant quickly, barely holding back my sobs as I slid into the driver’s seat of my car. If Tony Stark wanted me out of his life that badly then I’d give him exactly what he wanted.


	2. Chapter 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Tony all of a sudden starts distancing himself from you and your relationship, leaving you to wonder what it is you did.

I sat on the end of the bed, my hands shaking in my lap as I stared at the open suitcase lying in front of the closet. I’d been fine as I pulled it off the top shelf and laid it on the floor, I’d been fine unzipping it. The weight of my decision didn’t sink in right up until I was getting ready to start packing, that was when I’d broken down for the second time tonight.

Driving home I had thought that I was clear on what I wanted to do, that leaving was the best option when it was obvious Tony was trying desperately to push me out of every aspect of his life; it was the logical thing to do. But now that I was back here in our room, a mix of his things and mine the decision had become more foggy. I loved him. 

I took a shaky breath, rubbing the backs of my hands over my eyes as my bottom lip quivered with barely contained emotion. Half of me wanted to just crawl into bed, forgetting about tonight and hoping that Tony would come back to me sooner rather than later, the other half wanted to run as far as possible and never look back.

Standing up from the bed I walked over to where I’d left my bag, pulling a stack of clothes from the hangers before dumping them into the bottom of the case, not bothered if they were folded or not. I continued on like this until my half of the closet was empty, the only things left being a few dresses I had no reason to take with me. Zipping the case closed I pulled the handle up, moving straight for the door when it swung in, Tony standing there with his eyes glued to the tablet in his hand.

The breath hitched in my throat, my movements halting the same time he looked up. I couldn’t quite meet his gaze but I knew he was looking from the makeup still smudged on my cheeks to the suitcase by my side, the dress I’d been wearing earlier discarded on the floor by the foot of the bed.   
“Where are you going?” He asked, voice quieter than normal.

I shook my head, feeling the tears start to well along my waterline all over again, my free hand clenching into a fist by my side. Tony took a step towards me and I felt sick to my stomach, trying desperately to keep my resolve in check long enough to go through with this.   
“I’m - I’m leaving Tony.”   
“Girls weekend with Natasha right?” He chuckled but there wasn’t any humor in his tone.   
“No, not this time,” I swallowed hard around the lump in my throat. “I’m leaving you.”   
“Y/n…”

I held out my hand as he reached for me, stopping him from moving any closer. The tears were now falling hot down my cheeks and I couldn’t look at him, knowing that if I did I might not leave at all.   
“Please don’t try and change my mind Tony, not now after everything.”   
“Y/n come on, you have my attention now alright? You don’t - you don’t have to go anywhere.”   
“That’s the problem though, can’t you see that? It shouldn’t have taken me leaving to get your attention, it shouldn’t have gone this far Tony.”   
“Please…don’t leave.”

“I can’t stay…I can’t do this anymore, I can’t have you push me away.”

Tony didn’t say anything else as I walked passed him, he didn’t try and reach out for me or beg me to stay. When I reached the door I peeked over my shoulder at him, feeling my heart break at the way his hands were in his hair, tugging at the roots while his shoulders slumped. He was facing away from me but I could picture the look on his face clear as day, the weight settling in my chest getting heavier as I heard his shaky sigh. Gripping my case a little tighter I fought the urge to comfort him, steeling myself as I walked out of the room completely.

I could do this. I could leave.


	3. Chapter 3

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Tony all of a sudden starts distancing himself from you and your relationship, leaving you to wonder what it is you did.

I looked down to check the time on my phone before scanning the cafe again, wondering if maybe I’d gotten the wrong place. Rhodey had asked me to meet him here but he was already running ten minutes late, causing my nerves to reach their peak. It had been almost three months since I’d left Tony and I hadn’t heard from anyone other than Natasha since, trying to block out that side of my life for as long as possible.

It wasn’t because I didn’t miss them, because truthfully I’d never felt so lost in my life without them around, it was because everything that reminded me of Tony still hurt like it had the night I left, the wounds had never closed over. And maybe that was because I knew I still loved him, or the fact I never had the closure over why we broke up; whatever the reason was though it kept the pain fresh.

I checked my phone again just as the cafe door opened, the bell above it jingling noisily. I looked up to see Rhodey walking towards me, a wide smile on his face that I couldn’t help but return. As soon as he reached me he scooped me up into his arms, pressing a kiss to the top of my head.   
“It’s really good to see you,” He murmured against my hair.   
“You too, really,” I replied, taking my seat again once he’d let me go.   
“How have you been?”   
I shrugged. “Okay I guess, how is everyone?” 

Rhodey’s expression faltered just enough for me to catch it before he sighed, dropping his eyes to the table.   
“Look, everyone is good I promise, it’s just -”   
“This is about Tony isn’t it?”   
“I wouldn’t be here y/n, wouldn’t be asking for your help unless I was sure there wasn’t another way.”   
“What do you mean?” I asked, feeling my heart restrict in my chest. “Is he okay - what’s wrong?”   
“This isn’t fair of me to ask and Natasha told me as much before I came but I just - I need you to come back.”   
“Rhodey…I -”  
“I’m worried about my friend y/n,” He pleaded. “He’s drinking himself into an early grave and I know it’s because of the way you left.”  
“I didn’t leave him for no reason.”   
“I know and believe me, Tony knows it as well, he just - he misses you.”

I shook my head, feeling a lump in the back of my throat as I replied.   
“I’m not just going to go running back to him because he can’t accept why I left Rhodes, that isn’t fair.”   
“I know it isn’t and the last thing I want to do is drag you back into the middle of this but, if there is a part of you that stills cares about him I need you to talk to him.”

-

Walking back into the tower was harder than I had expected it to be, the familiarity washing over me in waves. It was exactly the same, the scents, the people, it felt like home still. Rhodey walked next to me, a sullen expression on his face as we headed towards the elevators. He’d been fairly silent as he drove us here and I knew it was because he was genuinely concerned about Tony’s well being; I couldn’t just ignore that.

As we stepped into the elevator and Rhodey pushed the floor Tony’s lab was on he spoke again.   
“You didn’t have to do this y/n, but I appreciate you talking to him.”   
“No matter what I think about him I’m not going to let him kill himself,” I replied, my voice strained with emotion. I felt as though I might be sick as the doors clanged shut and we began to move.

Tony’s lab was dark as I stepped into it, the only light source coming from the lamp in the corner and a few computer screens; the whole room thick with stale alcohol. I ran my hands over the walls until I found the light switch, turning it on before looking around the place. It was a mess, there were tools and scraped pieces of paper lying on the floor, the tables piled with more paper and varying pieces of his Iron Man suits.

I walked further into the lab, shaking my head as I dodged things on the floor, almost losing my balance twice. As I rounded one of the tables I finally found Tony, asleep or passed out I wasn’t sure. He was lying on the futon, a half empty bottle of Jack in his hand.   
“Why did you do this to yourself Tony,” I muttered quietly, shaking my head, realizing that Rhodey really hadn’t been exaggerating when he said he was about to kill himself.

Bending down in front of him I swept some of his messy hair off his forehead, taking the bottle out of his hands.   
“I was - I was drinking that,” He mumbled, a frown on his face.   
“No you weren’t,” I replied.   
Tony’s eyes popped open at the sound of my voice, widening when he saw me standing in front of him. He shook his head, wiping his hands over his eyes before looking at me again.   
“Am I hallucinating?” He asked, voice thick and heavy. “Dreaming?”   
“No Tony I’m really here.”

He swung his legs over the side of the lounge, groaning as he dropped his head into his hands and I fought the urge once again to comfort him.   
“Why?” He rasped after a few minutes.   
“Rhodey came and saw me,” I said, crossing my arms over my chest. “Said he was worried about you.”   
“Yeah well he should have - should have minded his own business.”   
“How can he when you’re up here drinking yourself to death?”   
“Just leave y/n, alright? I’m fine.”   
“Clearly.”   
“Look, we both know the only reason you’re here is because he gave you some sob story about me so do us both a favor and leave.”   
“I’m not going anywhere Tony, not until you talk to me.”   
“Why? You had no problem leaving the first time.”

Tony forced himself onto his feet, stumbling slightly as he reached past me, grabbing the bottle of Jack from where I’d placed it on the table. He looked me over, scoffing deep in his throat before he was leaving the lab, slamming the door on his way out. I sunk down onto the lounge, hanging my head as I bit my lip, my chest felt tight and each breath scratched its way out of my throat.

Tony was hurting and it was all my fault. Oh how the tables had turned.


	4. Chapter 4

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Tony all of a sudden starts distancing himself from you and your relationship, leaving you to wonder what it is you did.

Despite every fiber in my body screaming at me to leave just like Tony asked I followed him out of the lab a few minutes later. It would have been so much easier to turn around and go back down stairs, let Rhodey know that this was all one giant mistake and that Tony neither wanted or needed my help, but I knew that if I did that I’d never forgive myself. I needed the closure as much as Tony did and no matter how long it took we were going to hash whatever this was out.

As I walked up the hall a sense of nostalgia washed over me, making me feel dizzy with emotion, my stomach tying itself into knots the closer I got to the bedroom door. It seemed like a lifetime ago that I shared that room with Tony, the place our relationship had evolved from casual fucking into actual love. What had started out as an unspoken need for one another when it got too tough to be on our own had become something that neither of us were real prepared for and now that it was completely gone it was apparent we weren’t coping with that either.

I pushed open the door roughly, Tony whirling around to look at me as the wood bounced off the wall, his expression darkening even further when he saw me standing there. He rolled his eyes after staring at me for a few seconds, his jaw tightening as he turned his back on me.   
“I thought I told you to leave.”   
“And I thought I told you that I wasn’t going anywhere until we talked about this,” I replied, shutting the door behind me before leaning back against it. Leaving him with no chance to get away from me again.

“Dammit y/n,” He hissed, throwing his hands up in the air. “I’m fine alright?! Something that neither you or Rhodey seem to be getting through your impossibly thick heads. You left, big deal, I’m a big boy and I can look after myself.”   
“Stop trying to push me away with that macho bravado Tony, despite what you might think I know you better than that and this whole act that you’re doing better than ever isn’t fooling anyone.”

Tony scoffed, shaking his head as he walked over to sit on the bed of the bed, uncapping the bottle in his hands. Pushing myself off the door I took the few steps between us, reefing the bourbon out of his hold, letting the bottle drop to the floor. I cupped his cheeks, forcing his face up to look at me, noticing now in the brighter light how dark the circles around his eyes were.   
“Why are you here y/n?” He repeated.   
“Because I still love yo-”  
“Don’t,” Tony cut across me, his voice dangerously low. “Don’t say that when all you’re going to do is leave again.”   
“You gave me no choice Tony, I had to leave.”   
“I wasn’t the one that packed your bags for you y/n, you made that decision all on your own.”

Tony shook himself out of my hold, standing quickly to move away from me. I sat down on the end of the bed, twisting my fingers together in my lap as I blinked away the unshed tears in my eyes. It was only now after seeing how much my leaving had hurt the both of us did I realize that maybe it hadn’t been the right choice. Tony and I had always been close, way before we started sharing a bed, we’d been each other’s release from a lot of bad over the last few years and looking at him now I realized that maybe we should have just tried talking it out three months ago before I decided to leave.

“Tell me it would have been different if I’d stayed,” I murmured, looking up at him pleadingly. “Because to me it felt like you didn’t want me in your life anymore.”   
“How can you say that? After everything we’d been through together?”   
“You pushed me out Tony! You threw up all your walls and gave me no reason as to why!”   
“You didn’t give me a chance to give you a reason!” Tony shot back, his voice rising by a few octaves. “You just packed your shit and left!”   
“Tell me why then, tell me right now why you pushed me away.”   
“It doesn’t matter anymore -”  
“Tell me why!”   
“I panicked!”

The room went silent as both of us looked at each other, chests heaving from all the shouting. Tony’s hands were pulling at the roots of his hair, his bottom lip trapped between his teeth and his eyes glassy. I moved towards him, swallowing harshly around the lump in my throat as I pried his fingers from the strands of hair.   
“I panicked,” He said again, shaking his head before leaning it against my shoulder. “I’m no good at this feelings crap, I’m no good in relationships,” He took a breath before continuing. “The only other time was with Pepper and that ended abysmally; she left because it was too hard and maybe she was right, I’m not easy to be around -”   
“Tony, Tony…stop,” He lifted his head back up to mine, his eyes swimming with uncertainty. “I wasn’t going anywhere…I love you.”

It was barely a second after those words left my mouth that his lips were against mine, his kiss both hungry and desperate.


	5. Is This What You Wanted?

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Tony all of a sudden starts distancing himself from you and your relationship, leaving you to wonder what it is you did.

Six months later…

Tony’s birthday party was in full swing, the tower seemingly filled with the entire population of New York, everyone drinking, dancing and having a good time. I was sitting at the bar, swirling around the vodka lemonade in my glass while repeatedly checking the time on my phone. To say I was nervous would have been an understatement, I’d never felt more truly terrified than I did right now.

“How you holding up?” Tash asked as she took a seat on the stool besides me. “It’s almost time.”   
“I don’t think I can do this,” I stammered out, downing the rest of my drink in two large mouthfuls. “What if he says no?”   
“He isn’t going to say no, just take a deep breath and stop over thinking about this.”   
“You’re right, I need to just get it over with.”

Standing up I smoothed out my dress, giving Natasha and expectant look.  
“Maybe try a smile?” She chuckled, standing up to give me a quick hug. “Go get him tiger.”   
I took a deep breath, forcing a smile onto my face as I turned to look for Tony through the throng of people grinding up against one another on the dance floor. He wasn’t hard to spot, he liked being the center of attention, especially at his own party.

Ignoring the way my stomach rolled uncomfortably I walked towards him, trying desperately to keep my expression in check as my heart thudded rapidly inside my chest. This was easily the scariest thing I had ever done in my entire life and there was a part of me that wanted to just forget the whole thing, maybe leave the party and hide under my duvet; but the other part wanted this.

As I got closer Clint tapped Tony on the shoulder, pointing over at me while saying something that I couldn’t quite hear. My expression must not have been as neutral as I hoped because Tony looked up straight away, a frown replacing the wide grin he’d been wearing just before. Handing off his scotch glass to Bruce he moved towards me, cupping my cheeks with his hands.   
“Everything alright?” He asked, leaning forward so I had a better chance at hearing him.   
“Yeah…yes, everything is fine,” I replied. “Can we talk somewhere quieter maybe?”

Tony nodded, taking hold of my hand so he could lead me towards the balcony, a few people giving us curious glances as we passed. Once outside I could think properly again, the lack of music and loud guests giving me a chance to sort out my emotions before I spoke. Tony eyed me as I took a few deep breaths, his back leaning against the glass barrier of the balcony, arms crossed over his chest.   
“You sure you’re alright y/n?” He asked when I didn’t say anything.   
“Yes, trust me I’m fine I’m just - I don’t know how to go about doing what it is I want to do and I don’t want to sound like an idiot but I’m - I am freakin’ terrified…”   
“Breathe darling,” Tony chuckled, uncrossing his arms so he could pull me into a hug, his lips brushing over the top of my hairline. “What has you so terrified?”   
“I love you,” I stated bluntly, refusing to look up at him when he laughed.   
“Yes, I suppose that is a terrifying notion.”   
“No…Tony that’s not - that isn’t what I meant.” 

Before I could get another word out Tony was tilting my head up, his lips meeting mine in a gentle, caressing kiss. He tasted just like the scotch he’d been drinking, the warm alcohol leaving a pleasant burn on my tongue as I swept it over his bottom lip. I found myself relaxing at his touch, the reality of why we came out here in the first place no longer as frightening.

“Marry me,” I hummed against his lips as he pulled back.   
“How much have you had to drink?”   
“I’m not joking Tony, that’s what - that’s what I wanted to come out here and ask you.”   
“You actually want to marry me?”   
“More than anything.”   
“Be bound to me for life?”   
“Yes Tony.”   
“In sickness and in health?”   
“Yes.”  
“Till death do us part?”   
“Tony…”   
“I suppose I could clear a day on my schedule.”   
“You’re impossible.”   
“I love you too darling.”


End file.
